Diary of a Third Time Dad

Main Section

WEEK TEN - APRIL 2002

Apr. 25 - Now I know why my dad had so many kids.

As your kids get older, it's easy to forget how rough life can be with a little baby. Before Joshua was born, I had completely forgotten how it feels to function on not enough sleep. I couldn't remember how it felt when your baby gets sick. My two kids were 6 and 9 years old, and all those trials of parenting were far behind me.

Parents often bring their kids into the office for a sleep consultation. Before Joshua was born, such a visit would go something like this:

"Dr. Bob, my baby wakes up ten times a night. How can I get him to sleep longer? I just can't function anymore." My initial thought in this situation used to be, "Life's rough, that's just what babies do. You signed up for this. He will eventually start sleeping more (in a couple years or so)." Of course, I wouldn't actually say those exact words out loud. I would put it much nicer, and come up with several possible solutions.

Ever since Joshua was born, my attitude toward sleep problems has changed. Now my answer goes something like this. "I know exactly how you feel. It IS difficult to get through this time period. Here is what my wife and I are doing to try to get some more sleep . . ."

I think having kids makes me a more empathetic doctor. In fact, I don't know how anyone could even be an effective pediatrician without having kids of his or her own.

This empathy will probably last a few years. But what am I supposed to do when this wears off, and I get that "life's rough" attitude again? Have another baby? Ha!

I guess that's one reason Dr. Bill is such an awesome doctor. He kept having another baby every three years. No wonder he is so enlightened!

Apr. 26 - I need my sleep.

On some nights, when 10 p.m. rolls around, and I've had a long day and feel overly tired, I like to go to bed before Cheryl, even though there is still work to be done around the house. After all, I sometimes have to get up early, being the breadwinner and all. And Cheryl could sleep in if she had to stay up late. I've always been able to get away with this, until Joshua was born. Now, no matter when each of us goes to bed, I automatically get more sleep than Cheryl. So when I start to yawn in the evening and try to sneak off to bed early, I get this "don't even think about going to bed yet" look from Cheryl. I suppose she is right though. She never gets as much sleep as I do now.

Apr. 27 - I got in my 5 hours.

Cheryl woke up this morning, somewhat bright and cheerful, and said, "Ahhhhh. I had a good night's sleep. I got in my 5 hours." I'm thinking, "Five hours?" I would be a zombie if I only got 5 hours of sleep each night. Makes me appreciate her that much more. No wonder she doesn't give me any sympathy when I complain about how tired I am.

Apr. 28 - The back-of-the-church crowd.

If you attend church, you see them every Sunday - the group of moms or dads or both sitting in the foyer holding their babies. Those who are lucky enough to have their babies fall asleep get to sneak into church and participate in the service. The rest are stuck listening to the sermon through a speaker, with a TV monitor if they are lucky.

Today, we joined this crowd. Joshua wouldn't settle down and fall asleep at the beginning of the service, so we sat down to listen in the foyer.

Then came the looks. If you've ever had a baby at church, you know what I'm talking about. The "why don't you just put your baby in the nursery, then you could come into the service with the rest of us" look from everyone who walks by WITHOUT their children.

Maybe I'm weird, but I just can't bring myself to hand my baby off to a total stranger in a separate building for an hour and a half, not knowing if he is crying or happy.

Apr. 29 - Finally, we have our baby.

With Joshua being sick, he became much more needy. We had to hold him all the time. We couldn't put him down for more than a few minutes or he would start to fuss. I was thinking how many times a patient in my office would beg me for ways to help them cope with their high need baby, and here I was with one of my own. We were getting worn out.

Then I came home from work today, and Cheryl gave me the good news. Joshua had spent much of the day laying on the floor, playing with his mobile, sitting in the baby seat, swinging in the swing, doing almost anything without needing to be held. He was happy all day long, and Cheryl had some well-deserved freedom. She said, "Finally, we have the baby we always knew we had."

Phew! Looks like he was just needy because he was sick.

Apr. 30 - The couch potato.

Joshua has this one spot on the couch where he loves to sit and hang out. He's usually good for a half hour or more. He fits nicely propped up in the corner, and he will just look around the room and watch all the action.

May 1 - Look Who's Talking.

There's nothing like the cooing, gurgling and squealing of a baby as they discover their own voice. Joshua started talking a lot more this week. One thing we did with our first baby 9 years ago is record his talking all through the first two years of his life. It is a real treasure to go back and listen to this tape. Of course, this was only a first baby thing. Our second and now third children don't get their own studio recording of their language development. I guess there are a lot of things only the first child gets.

Did you miss one of our previous diary entries?
Click here to go to our diary index.

AskDrSears.com is intended to help parents become better informed consumers of health care. The information presented in this site gives general advice on parenting and health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual needs.