Diary of a Third Time Dad

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WEEK SIX - MARCH 2002

Mar. 28 - So much for the morning routine.

Mornings can be chaotic for any family, but before the baby was born we had things down pretty smooth. I would get up at 6:45 a.m. and shave, wake the kids up at 7 a.m. and get them started on breakfast. Cheryl would get up and take a shower while I continued breakfast and started on the kids' lunches. Around 7:30 a.m., I would hit the shower while Cheryl got the kids' clothes and finished the lunches. Then 8 a.m. would roll around and we both would get the kids out the door and I would drive them to school. It took many years of careful planning and coordinating to get to this point, and things were running ever so smoothly.

Ha! What does our morning look like now? It is quite a bit different. I wake up at 6:30 a.m. to shave AND shower. Cheryl stays in bed to nurse the squirming Joshua. I wake the kids up at 7 a.m. and get them going on breakfast. Cheryl has fallen back to sleep with the baby (I don't blame her). I try to figure out what the kids want for lunch and throw it together.

7:30 a.m. rolls around and I realize that the lunches aren't even half way done, and the kids aren't dressed yet. I go upstairs and wake up Cheryl, the master coordinator of lunches and school clothes. She gives me this "I've been up all night with the baby" look, but courageously gets up anyway.

This is the pivotal moment that defines whether or not we will smoothly stroll out the door at 8:05 a.m., or frantically rush out the door at 8:15 a.m..

As Cheryl gets out of bed, we both hold our breath, say a quick prayer, and stare at the baby. We have about a 50/50 chance. Either he starts to squirm and wake up, or he stays peacefully asleep. If asleep, then Cheryl expertly orchestrates us through the rest of the morning and out the door. If Joshua wakes up, then it's "pass the baby" back and forth for the next half hour while we both work on lunches, clothes, shoes, suntan lotion, hats, jackets and homework folders.

But hey, we haven't been late for school YET!

Mar. 29 - Cheryl's new alarm clock.

I bought Cheryl a new alarm clock a few months ago, because she always complained I didn't wake her up on time in the mornings. Boy she misses the good old days. Joshua is now her alarm clock. She said to me today, "What is it, about 6 a.m.? He always wakes up to nurse at this exact time every morning." Cheryl, luckily, gets to "hit the snooze button" by plugging the baby back in, and they both go back to sleep.

Mar. 30 - Getting breakfast on their own

The two older boys, Andrew (9) and Alex (almost 6), have started getting their own breakfast in the morning, often before I even wake up, as though they are sensing that with the new baby, they need to do a few things on their own now. It's kind of nice that they feel grown up enough to handle this task on their own, but it's also a little sad that they are growing up and don't need me to help them with this anymore. I guess that's how life goes.

Mar. 31 - No time for new toys

Whenever I get a new "toy", such as a new video camera, CD player, etc., I love to immediately camp out in the living room and bury myself in all the parts and instruction manuals and get to know every little component. I think this is universal for men.

Well, this week was very painful for me. I got a new Palm (handheld computer)! I'd been dreaming of this for months, and it finally arrived! But before I could open it, the baby needed changing. Then the kids needed dinner. Then the baby was fussy and Cheryl needed me to hold him for a while. Then it was bedtime for the kids. As I trudged back and forth to each new task, I would glance longingly at the box sitting on the living room floor, beckoning to me. As I was putting the kids to bed, I was thinking, "OK, as soon as they're asleep, I'll have a couple hours to spend with my new 'baby' (not Joshua)." As I came downstairs around 9 p.m. and headed for the living room, the new box almost within reach, I hear "Can you hold the baby for a while, I have to get some things done."

UGH! Oh well, I guess it could wait until the next day. After all, family is more important, and Cheryl needed a break.

Apr. 1 - Still no time

Waiting to open up my new Palm wouldn't have been so bad if it had only been one day, but today was a repeat of yesterday. Kids, baby, wife, work, baby, house, baby, wife and kids all over again.

Well hey, I signed up for all this, didn't I?

And you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. My new toy can wait.

Apr. 2 - Responding to baby's cry

Something happened today that really made me see the huge difference between Cheryl and me-and women and men in general-when it comes to responding to a baby's cry. We were driving home from somewhere, and about two minutes from home, Joshua started crying. I heard him, but I just kept driving along without a care in the world. Cheryl, meanwhile, is sitting back there getting more and more anxious. Joshua's crying was setting off all her mothering hormones (which I, of course, lack). She said, "Could you drive just a bit faster? You're driving like it's Sunday!"

I realized that, although I could hear him crying, it wasn't wrenching my heart like it was for Cheryl. I don't generally like to let him cry, and I am quick to respond when we're at home. But the fact that in the car, his crying wasn't stressing me out really says a lot about how different male and female parenting physiology is.

Message for dads - this is why mom's get stressed out when you are trying to comfort baby, and it's not working.

Message for moms - when dad is trying to sooth the fussy baby, don't be too quick to jump in. Give us some time to develop our parenting and comforting skills. It isn't so automatic for us like it is for you.

Apr. 3 - Finally, a spare two hours!

Now my life is complete! New baby AND new Palm. Wow, am I gonna be organized from now on.

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