"CRITICAL FAMILY MEMBERS"

"I have a particular family member that is driving me insane. She has no children of her own, yet criticizes the way my husband and I raise our child. She is always putting my husband down and he is a great father. So you can see why that would bother me a lot. How do I put her in her place without offending her? Also, there are a few other people in my family that are always saying don't do this or do this... And I am very offended by everyone always telling me what to do. I know what is best for my son. How do I get them to back off?"

I often wonder why this criticism is offered: Is this relative always witnessing terrible tantrums, or some other negative behavior? If so, try to schedule the visits with these relatives at a time when the children are at their best � like right after a nap.

I know how Dr. Laura would answer this one! And, I would probably agree with what she says. If this continues, you will need to say something like, �Aunt Jane, I love you and appreciate you as part of our family. But your criticism of our parenting practices are making us feel very uncomfortable. This subject needs to become off limits, or WE will need to become off limits�.

Also, be sure to take note of what they are criticizing about: do they have a legitimate concern, such as, �you shouldn�t get so drunk when the kids are around�, or �I don�t think you should give your two-year old a coke to drink�. Ask a neutral family member. You might get some insight: �yes, we are all worried about you�.