"RESPONDING TO CRIES"

"At age 36 I am a new mother of a wonderful 2-month-old baby girl. I have read a great deal of material through the years, and especially since finding out I was going to be a mother. I try to balance what I read, realizing no one person has all the right answers. I am a bit frazzled over one issue. I strongly believe in answering my baby when she cries and I never leave her to cry it out, but I am so afraid to let her cry without being picked up, that it is beginning to make me nervous. I want my baby to feel loved and secure and have trust, but it is nearly impossible to have her in my arms each time she cries. Am I going overboard with the not letting her cry issue? Can you tell me anything that will help me relax?"

My kids are seven and eleven years old. Throughout the day, I hear my name called many times. Most of these are very �non-urgent� calls, �Hey Dad, I can�t find my shoes�, or �Dad, can you fix the computer�? When I hear these, my fathering instincts tell me that I can finish what I was doing, slowly walk upstairs, and deal with the situation. Sometimes, the call is a little more frantic, �Dad, the dog threw-up!� I rather quickly jog up-stairs to save my new carpet. Then, there have been the bloody murder screams after a slip in the tub � these have me responding in an all-out sprint!

It is the same with a baby. Some cries are more urgent than others. As your baby gets older, you will learn to �read� her cries, and know how quickly you need to respond. The only thing you don�t want to do is let her cry intensely by herself for extended periods of time (i.e. letting her �cry-it-out�). There is some good scientific evidence that this can be harmful. This evidence is available in our new book, The Baby Sleep Book.