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WEANING: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Weaning is not a negative term, nor is it something that you do to a child.
Weaning is a journey from one relationship to another. The Hebrew word for wean
is gamal, meaning "to ripen." In ancient times, when children were breastfed
until two or three years of age, it was a joyous occasion when a child weaned.
It meant the child was filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of
development and secure and ready to enter the next stage of development. A
child who is weaned before his time may show anger, aggression, habitual
tantrum-like behavior, anxious attachment to caregivers, and an inability to
form deep and intimate relationships. We call these traits diseases of
premature weaning.
While we advocate extended breastfeeding that comes to a natural end when the
child is ready, we realize this ideal is not always attainable in every family
situation. Breastfeeding is meant to be a pleasurable experience. When one or
both members of the mother-infant pair aren't enjoying it anymore, it's time to
wean. After all, all good things must come to a timely end.
WHEN TO WEAN
In many cultures a baby is breastfed for two or three years. Our western
culture is accustomed to viewing breastfeeding in terms of months. This is not
the norm the world over. While weaning is a personal decision, nutritionists
and physicians advise breastfeeding for at least one year because by that time
most infants have outgrown most of their food allergies and will thrive on
alternative nourishment. We urge mothers to think in terms of years, not
months, when contemplating how long to nurse. Breastfeeding is a long-term
investment in your child. You want to give your baby the best emotional,
physical, and mental start. Extended breastfeeding is nature's way of filling
your baby's need for intimacy and appropriate dependency on other people. If
these needs are met early on, your child will grow up to be a sensitive and
independent adult. We have noticed that children not weaned before their time
are:
more independent and self-confident
Gravitate to people rather than things
Are easier to discipline
Experience less anger
Radiate trust
Former Surgeon General, Dr. Antonia Novello, proclaimed: "It's the lucky
baby, I feel, who continues to nurse until he's two." A baby's sucking need
lessens sometime between nine months and three years. The age at which this
need lessens is individual, yet very few babies are emotionally filled and ready
to wean before a year. Have confidence in your intuition. While this beautiful
breastfeeding relationship may seem like it will never end, you are laying a
solid foundation for the person your child will later become. Cutting corners
now will only create problems in the future.
HOW TO WEAN
The key to healthy weaning is doing it gradually. Remember, you are helping
your child into a new stage of development, not forcing him into it. This is
not the time for you and your husband to go on a week-long vacation to the
Bahamas. Weaning by desertion is traumatic and may backfire. The following are
suggestions for gradually weaning your child:
Start by skipping a least favorite feeding, such as in the middle of
the day. Instead, engage in a fun activity together, such as reading a book or
playing a game. Nap and night nursings are favorite feedings and will probably
be the last to go.
Minimize situations that induce breastfeeding, such as sitting in a
rocking chair or cradling baby. If you put baby in a familiar breastfeeding
setting, he will want to breastfeed.
Use the "don't offer, don't refuse" method. Don't go out of your
way to remind her to nurse. However, if your child persists, or her behavior
deteriorates, this may indicate that breastfeeding is still a need rather than a
want. Watch your child and trust your intuition.
Become a moving target. Don't sit down in one place for any length
of time. But, remember, weaning means releasing, not rejecting. Breastfeeding
helps the child venture from the known to the unknown. If you don't let your
child make brief pit stops, he may insist on lengthy feedings when he finally
gets you to sit down. Checking into homebase and refueling reassures him that
it's okay to explore his environment, and gives him the emotional boost to
venture out. Rejecting this need could developmentally cripple your child.
Keep baby busy. Nothing triggers the desire to breastfeed like
boredom. Sing songs, read books, or go on an outing together.
Set limits. Putting limits on nursing, such as: "We only nurse when
Mr. Sun goes down and when Mr. Sun comes up" does not make you a bad parent.
Don't wean baby from you to an object, such as a stuffed animal or
blanket. Ideally, you want to wean baby from your breast to an alternative
source of emotional nourishment. This is when dad should begin to take on a
more involved role in comforting. As dad's role in baby's life becomes bigger,
nursing will be less important.
Expect breastfeeding to increase during times of illness. These are
times when your child needs comfort and an immune system boost.
Life is a series of weanings for a child: weaning from your womb, your
breast, your bed, and your home. The pace at which children wean go from
oneness to separateness is different for every child, and this should be
respected. In our experience, the most secure, independent, and happy children
are those who have not been weaned before their time.
AskDrSears.com is intended to help parents become better informed consumers
of health care. The information presented in this site gives general advice
on parenting and health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual
needs.